i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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