he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
