but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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