I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
