Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
