meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
