Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
