ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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