Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
