i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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