You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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