I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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