well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
