lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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