My room smells like vodka and shame
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
