there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
