I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Vodka?
Forever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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