Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
