just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
