i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
