I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
