She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
