omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
