Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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