Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
