why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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