if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
