I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need a beard to bite.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
