I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
