It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
