there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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