Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
