do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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