I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
