I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
