I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
