i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
