We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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