hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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