Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
