last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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