I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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