What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
