dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
