3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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