I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So squirting runs in the family.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
