Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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