When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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