So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
