I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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