fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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