Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
