All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
