as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
